


I'll Fade Away

by walkingentityofsnark



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Fluff, Heavy Angst, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-03
Updated: 2015-02-03
Packaged: 2018-03-10 09:09:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3284771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/walkingentityofsnark/pseuds/walkingentityofsnark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What would've happened if the final battle had gone a different way?  The gang finds out, and has to deal with the aftermath</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Fade Away

**Author's Note:**

> In case anyone is interested, there is an interaction between Danny and Laura that was inspired by the song "Who Am I To Stand In Your Way?" by Chester See. For maximum feels, familiarize yourself with the song before reading. Just a suggestion though! Happy reading <3

“And where are you going?”

 _Say it_ , Danny thought, willing Carmilla to say the words she needed to hear.

“To do something really stupid.”

 _Yes, that’s it.  That’s my solution_. The solution Danny had known deep down Carmilla would provide for her. 

She noticed Carmilla’s eye line.

“Is that thing still running?”

“Yea I think we’re supposed to be filming our soppy, heartfelt goodbyes or something.”

Danny’s heart skipped a beat and she faltered as it slammed into her ribcage, her lungs pierced by a sharp intake of breath.  Maybe she didn’t have to do this.

Of course she had to.  It was the only way.

“Screw that.”

She strengthened her resolve. She didn’t need to record any soppy, heartfelt goodbyes now.

She’d already done that part.

§~§~§

Laura found herself at her desk for the first time since the night of the battle.  She wasn’t sure exactly how long it had been, and she didn’t really care.  She knew it hadn’t been all that long, but she had slept for most of it. Being awake was too painful.

Perry and LaFontaine were still asleep in Carmilla’s bed; though even with everything that had happened Laura was sure Perry’s internal clock would have her up soon. She swiveled slightly in her chair; she found it soothing to watch them sleeping, breathing.  She couldn’t stand losing anyone else; her heart literally couldn’t take it.  Before she turned herself back around, she shifted her gaze to the window.  She wondered if the statue of a girl who now seemed to reside in the corner of her room would ever come back to her.

With a sad sigh she slowly turned back around to face her computer, and her video archives. She needed the full account of what happened, and that included her footage.  And if she decided to put the latest footage up, she was sure some of it would need to be edited, out of respect.  Despite the dull ache that had become a permanent fixture in her chest telling her it would hurt too much to watch the footage back now, she knew she had to press play.  So she did.

§~§~§

_“So a completely unexpected thing just happened.  We won.  We actually won. We won…..and Danny’s dead.”_

§~§~§

 

_“But then Carmilla turned to me and said, ‘You know, I really am starting to hate this heroic vampire crap’.  And I truly believe that she had every intention of throwing herself into that pit, for us. To save all of us.”_

Laura watched herself on screen, watched as she turned toward the windowsill, where Carmilla had curled into herself the second they’d arrived back in the room.  Despite her stature, one thing Carmilla had never looked was small. But that’s exactly how she looked, especially on the tiny screen, huddled against the window as if the stars might swallow her up if she got close enough.  She hadn’t moved since.  Laura wasn’t sure she was even breathing.

She’d been nearly catatonic after what had happened under the Lustig.  She’d led the fight against the remaining vampires once the light was out, but she hadn’t uttered a single word or really looked anyone in the eye as she helped injured Summer Society sisters and Zetas get out when it was over. It was like she was a robot following commands.  Like something inside of her was broken.

Laura’s on screen image continued talking.

 _“One minute I’m looking Carmilla in the eye for what I think is going to be the last time and the next…”_ she had trailed off, an attempt at maintaining her composure, _“She came out of nowhere.  She grabbed the sword before either of us even knew what was happening, like it was planned or something.  I don’t know what she was thinking.”_

Laura watched as Kirsch, who had sat stoically at the foot of her bed, began to shake.  He covered his face.  Perry placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, and LaFontaine placed their hand on Perry’s arm for reassurance.

Laura struggled to focus on the words she was saying on screen.

_“She didn’t stop, or even look back at any of us.  She just ran straight for the pit, for the light. And she leapt. The light dimmed to nothing and she fell with it into the darkness of the pit.”_

§~§~§

 

By the time Laura’s struggle was complete, Perry and LaFontaine had stirred from sleep and were now cuddled together, having caught the tail end of the footage.  Laura looked back at Perry one more time, and when the girl nodded her solemn encouragement, Laura pressed record.

“Hey.”

Laura spoke into her camera for the first time since the night of the battle.  It felt awkward all of a sudden.

“After everything that happened I didn’t really feel like filming anymore but, Perry seems to think it’ll be good for me.  Understandably, they didn’t wanna leave, and with Carmilla…,” Laura turned towards the window once more, then looked back at the camera with a twinge of sadness in her eyes, “the two of them were free to take over her bed, for now.  Kirsch hung around for a while that night, until he decided it was time he go check on the rest of the Zetas.  They’ve all been betrayed by Will, lost who they thought he was just like Kirsch has.  But also, I think a part of him wanted to get out of here because…because this room reminds him of her.”

Laura shut her eyes so tight it hurt, willing the tears that were now building up just below the surface to go away. She needed to finish this. For Danny.  They had started it together, and now it was up to Laura to bring their investigation to a close.  She took a deep breath.

“Summer Society liaisons came for Elsie, and they took Natalie with them as well.”

Laura hesitated. When the Summer Society girls had come, they had been cordial and polite, but Laura had sensed the tension. They had all been there under the Lustig, they’d seen what happened with their own eyes, but there was a part of Laura that believed they didn’t trust her and her friends with Natalie.

She steeled herself against the thought and continued.

“Betty didn’t stay the night that night. She’s a different person than the one I thought I knew months ago.  I don’t know the details, but sometime since that night she managed to make friends with the girl next door,” Laura paused again, and almost laughed at how fitting the friendship with the grumpy girl was considering Betty’s _actual_ personality, “She’s moved what was left of her stuff in there until her transfer to Princeton comes through.”

Before Laura could go on, there was a soft knock.  The door of the room creaked slowly open to reveal Kirsch, his eyes boring holes in the floor, his metaphorical tail between his legs.

“Hey guys.”

He didn’t wait for a response. Words began to fall from his mouth like a waterfall of apology.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been by, I just really needed to be with my bros ya know.  I wasn’t ready, not after SJ,” his voice began to break, “I wasn’t ready to lose another-”

“Kirsch.”

He slowly looked up at Laura. His pain sat heavy on his face like an iron mask, and it hung around his neck like a noose, choking him every time he tried to talk about her.  The heart he always wore on his sleeve was bloody and broken.  He looked older somehow.  But then, they all probably did.  His eyes were bloodshot and the bags under his eyes were taking over his face. He hadn’t been sleeping. Laura smiled warmly at her somber friend, and the relief that flooded his entire being was evident. He noticed the camera.

“You’re filming.”

“I’m glad you’re here actually,” Laura spoke softly, so as not to spook him, “I want you to hear this. I think you need to hear this. Please, come sit.”

He hesitated, but only for a second. He walked into the room, taking gentle steps, as if the memories he had of her in this room would be disturbed by anything more.  He looked around as he sat, visualizing the times they’d been together here.

Laura waited until he was settled, noting with a hollow pang in her heart that he sat exactly where he’d sat that night, right at the foot of her bed.  She placed a comforting hand on his knee and gave him one more warm smile before turning back to her computer.  She wasn’t sure she would be able to get through the next part.  But she knew she had to try.

“Danny is not-“

She heard a pained sound escape the lips of someone in the room; she wasn’t sure who it was. She took a breath and tried again.

“Danny _was_ not, in any way, shape or form, perfect.  Boy did she have a temper.  She stuck her nose where it didn’t always belong, and she let personal feelings and opinions dictate her behavior when maybe it shouldn’t have.”

The hole in Laura’s heart was rapidly becoming a gaping chasm, swallowing her words just like the pit had swallowed…

“But she was _brave_.  She was one of the most passionate, loyal and loving people I’ve ever had the honor of knowing.   I was lucky to have been considered worthy of her friendship.  She put everything she had into everything she did.  She was fiercely protective of people she loved, including me…especially me,” Laura’s eyes glazed over and her voice got quiet, “She tried so hard to look out for me…maybe we should’ve worried more about protecting _her_ …”

She felt a strong hand on her shoulder, and she looked back at Kirsch to see fresh tears in his eyes.

“Keep going.”

She nodded gravely, and looked directly into the camera.

“Danny,” Laura began to lose control, and she knew she wasn’t going to get it back, “if you can…hear this, or see this somehow…I want you to know how sorry I am.  I felt so smothered.  But I know that you were just trying to protect me, take care of me…because you cared about me.  You may not have gone about it the right way but neither did I.  I’m sorry if you ever felt second best, and I’m sorry that I couldn’t be who and what you wanted me to be.”

Laura felt like she was suffocating. But she wasn’t done.

“And thank you. Thank you Danny. We wouldn’t have gotten anywhere if it hadn’t been for you.  You were wrong about the alchemy department, but you got those pictures and they were what got the ball rolling,” the words were coming faster and she couldn’t stop them as they spilled from her mouth, “thank you for always being there for me. Even when you weren’t so happy with me, you _always_ came when I needed you. Always.  Thank you for helping me when no one else would. When everyone else was too busy to give me the time of day, you believed in me.  And Danny, I believed in you too.  I _believe_ in you.”

Laura was shaking. She could hear her friends crying behind her.  It was taking everything she had not to do the same.

“I miss you, _so much_ , and…and I love you Danny Lawrence. I love you.  A part of me will _always_ love you.”

Exhausted, and finally out of words, Laura hung her head and let the tears flow freely.  But only for a second.  Because as she did that, her computer chimed to announce an incoming email. Laura barely felt like she had the strength to lift her head back up, let alone deal with something as insignificant as email, but there was still a mild curiosity layered under all the pain. Her eyes slowly drifted back up and settled on the screen.  It took a second for them to refocus through the blur of tears held in for too long. But when she finally saw what was waiting for her in her inbox, she nearly screamed.  If she’d been standing she surely would have collapsed.

It was from Danny.

Laura scrambled to stand and she pushed hard against her desk as if getting farther away from it would make the impossible email go away.  Her desk chair was flung towards the back of the room, slamming into the wardrobe doors so hard the lamp perched atop it wobbled, threatening to crash to the floor in a million pieces.

Which was the way Laura’s heart felt in that moment.

She was instantly enveloped in Perry’s warm embrace, but it did nothing to chase away the cold fear that had infiltrated her body.  Kirsch had clumsily wiped away his tears with rough hands and grabbed the closest thing to him (which fortuitously turned out to be a rogue hammer hanging out on Laura’s desk), and stood at the ready to put an end to whatever had spooked Laura. Neither of them had a clue. But LaFontaine was looking back and forth between Laura and the computer, knowing something laid in wait on the screen, but petrified of what could elicit such a reaction from the brave warrior they knew Laura had become.

The slight movement in the corner of the room went unnoticed by all.  Seeing that Laura was physically unharmed and not under immediate attack of any kind, Carmilla retracted her fangs and the low growling sound that had started in her core slowly came to a stop.  Her gaze remained warily on the shaken girl.

“Laura?  What is it sweetie?  What happened?” Perry cooed.

Laura, incoherent, just pointed a shaky finger at her computer.  Kirsch looked at Perry, who nodded fervently, and then he leaned in to see what had caused the fit.

The hammer clattered to the floor. Kirsch staggered backwards, collapsing when his legs encountered the foot of Laura’s bed.

“It’s not possible,” he whispered, “it’s gotta be some kind of sick joke or something.”

“Kirsch?  Honey?” Perry was officially alarmed.

He said nothing. Just stared as a new wave of tears began to carve trails down his war torn face.

Perry, shaking now, placed a consoling hand on Laura’s head before reluctantly stepping forward herself.

“Oh, heavens,” she said quietly, her brow furrowing in confusion and hurt.

“Perr?” LaFontaine asked, still tangled in blankets on Carmilla’s bed, desperate to understand.

There was a moment of silence before Perry spoke again, as if she were psyching herself up to say the words.

“It…it’s from Danny.”

There was a beat, and then LaFontaine was offering up explanations.

“Maybe it’s a mistake, a glitch. Like maybe it’s something she sent you before that just got resent or something.  Or maybe it’s something about your lit class that the professor sent out in her name.  Or maybe she sent you something that got lost and it’s only just now showing up. What’s the subject line, Perr?”

“It just says ‘Laura…’,” Perry said softly, looking at Laura with concern.

“You’ve gotta open it Perr.”

“No,” she said firmly, “whatever this is, she sent it to Laura.  She sent it to her for a reason.  When Laura is ready, _if_ Laura is ever ready, she can open it.”

Perry nodded her head matter-of-factly before retreating back to where Laura stood, unmoved.

“Laura, sweetheart,” Perry started cautiously, tucking a strand of the girl’s hair behind her ear and gently touching a hand to her face, “you don’t have to do this right now. You don’t have to do this ever, not if you don’t want to.  Just know that whatever you decide to do about it, we’ll be here.  We’re with you.”

Perry squeezed Laura’s hand for effect, and the girl finally seemed to wake up from the trance she’d been in. She looked up at Perry, her deep brown eyes swimming in an overwhelming sea of pain, determination rapidly taking over.

“I have to know.”

Perry nodded calmly, and let Laura go. She had to do this on her own. Perry quickly retrieved Laura’s desk chair for her, and then sat back down on Carmilla’s bed. She welcomed LaFontaine’s arms around her and the small kiss they placed on her cheek.  LaF pulled Perry in close and gently nestled their head on her shoulder. They watched together, breathless, as Laura once again sat down in front of her computer. 

Laura’s hand shook so badly she wasn’t sure she would be able to control the track pad on her laptop. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and clicked.

The silence hung over the room like a thick fog, threatening to suffocate them all.  Finally Laura spoke.

“It doesn’t say anything. It’s just a video file.”

“Of what?” LaF asked tentatively.

Laura didn’t even turn around.

“Let’s find out.”

Laura double-clicked the attachment of the email and watched as it slowly downloaded to her computer. She looked to her right. Kirsch’s face was hardened almost beyond recognition, his fists clenched and shaking.  Before Laura could think of anything to say to him, a startling _ding!_ from her computer let her know the download was complete.  This was it.

She fought the pain in her chest that was making it feel like she couldn’t breathe, and she opened the file.

Upon seeing the opened screen, she immediately smashed the space bar to stop the video from playing and slid back in her chair as she began to hyperventilate.

Because the video was of Danny. Sitting in a corner of what appeared to be her room.  There was a date and timestamp in the corner of the screen, when the video was recorded. Two days before the final battle. The day Laura had been possessed. The day she’d destroyed whatever had been left of her relationship with Danny.  The fear she felt in that moment was crippling.  What could this possibly be?

“Laura,” Perry offered delicately, “you don’t have to-“

“Yes,” Laura’s voice was heavy with anxiety, each word a breathless struggle, “I do.”

She inched forward until she could reach the space bar.  She looked up at the face on the screen.  Before she could chicken out, she brought her finger down on the keyboard once again to play the video.

“Hey, guys.  At least, I hope everyone is here.  Or…there.  Um, Laura, if it’s just you…pause this I guess?  I’m gonna send this to you, but it’s for everyone.”

Danny stopped for a second, as if she were watching the group come together.

“Ok.  I’m hoping that if you’ve unpaused that means everyone is here. Hi.  As I’m sure you have all figured out by now, I…did something really stupid. Because if you’re watching this, I didn’t put in the password to stop this from auto-sending.  I never came back.”

Danny paused, her brow furrowed, like she had just thought of something.

“Which probably means this email is going to freak you out, huh?  I’m…obviously I haven’t thought this all out very clearly.  It’s sort of coming together as I go, I don’t have much time for proper planning.  I’m sorry if this…if this is making it worse for you right now.  I know that whatever is going to happen, it’s going to go down before, if not on the new moon,” Danny paused, blushing, “I lied to you about not watching anymore.  Of course I’m watching. I have to.”

Danny pushed her hair from her face and looked off camera in an apparent attempt to keep herself from crying. She took a breath and looked back at the camera.

“I’m gonna try and pick a date for this to send that’s far enough past the new moon so as not to completely traumatize anyone.  Although that may still happen.  I don’t know. Look, this is probably gonna sound creepy, but after today, after I finish this…I’m just going to…watch you. Keep an eye on you. I know that’s exactly what you didn’t want from me, but I have to know when this all goes down. I have to follow you there. So I can…”

She looked down at her hands, took a moment, and looked back up.

“More on that later. Right now, I’m going to say goodbye, to all of you.  In case I don’t come back and I don’t get the chance.  Which, if you’re watching this, is exactly what happened.  And I’m sorry for that.”

A sob broke free from Danny. Laura could feel her pain, but she also detected something else.  Fear. Danny was afraid. She was afraid to die.

“Ok, I have to start or this will go on forever.  To Perry and LaFontaine.”

Laura and Kirsch both turned to look at the pair on Carmilla’s bed.  LaFontaine was peering through the tangle of blankets with trepidation, and Perry sat frozen, eyes wide and staring at the screen.  For the first time, Laura noticed that Carmilla was no longer staring out the window, but instead she seemed focused on what was happening in the room. Laura watched as her roommate’s eyes flicked from the screen to the couple inhabiting her bed. Before Laura could even process that little bit of progress, Danny continued speaking.

“I hope the two of you don’t mind that your message is a two-for-one deal.  I guess I just…see you as a package deal?  Ever since we met, it was normal to see you together. And if you weren’t, something was weird. You can’t have one without the other. But, that’s the way it should be, I think.  Anyway, the three of us didn’t necessarily see eye-to-eye…ever,” Danny smiled, as if recalling a memory, “for different reasons in different situations.  We all had different ideas of how to best go about things. LaFontaine, I thought you were reckless. And Perry, I thought you were too cautious.”

Danny grinned, as if something suddenly occurred to her.

“This isn’t a part of the script that I hurriedly scribbled out but…it’s interesting, huh? That you two are so different. I guess it’s true what they say…opposites attract.  And by that, I of course mean…the two of you need to get your heads outta your asses and finally see what everyone else already does.  You’re perfect.  For each other.”

They each turned red instantly, and Laura managed a small smile at the fact that even their embarrassment settled on them in compatible shades.  Laura saw Kirsch’s head nodding slightly in the corner of her eye, and her heart swelled as LaFontaine took Perry’s hand in theirs, flustering the floor don even more than she already was.  But Laura watched as a shy smile crept onto Perry’s face, and she threaded her fingers with LaF’s, blushing an even deeper red as they locked eyes. She let out a nervous giggle as she broke eye contact, but before she looked back up at the screen she lost all inhibition and gave LaFontaine a quick peck on the lips.  LaF seemed dazed at first, but then they wrapped their arms around Perry’s waist and burrowed into her neck, planting kiss after kiss as Danny continued talking.

“Alright, if that outburst didn’t lead to a sickeningly adorable love connection, I don’t know what will, and I have failed.  I feel like I should apologize, but it occurs to me that I don’t have to!  I can say whatever I want now that I’m…”

Danny’s smile fell, along with the mood of the room, as everyone turned back to the screen, including their silent partner in the corner.

“Um, but for real you guys, together or not, you need to know how much you mean to me.  Like I said, we may not always agree on everything, but you’ve always been with me when it comes to what’s important…ending this thing. We really made a great team, huh?”

Danny paused, as if for closure on that chapter of this journey.  Then she began again.

“Ok, moving on. Kirsch.”

Laura heard what she could only describe as a gulp as Kirsch attempted to brace himself for what he was about to hear.

“I was gonna try and be sentimental and talk about something sappy like…my first impression of you or something. But I think we both know that our first impressions of each other were “dudebro Zeta” and “just another Psycho Society”.”

She paused and laughed a bit, as if reminiscing on their first meeting.  Then she got serious again.

“You know what though? You deserve an apology for that. I judged you solely based on the organization you belonged to, and nothing else.  And I’ve come to understand that life is just too short to pull crap like that.  Because I missed out, Kirsch. I wasted so much time judging you, time that I could’ve spent getting to know you,” she smiled mischievously, “working together instead of fighting over campus turf, throwing joint parties, can you imagine the pranks we could’ve pulled!  We’d be like the Romeo and Juliet of our orgs!”

Danny had held it together really well so far, considering, but for the first time it looked like she might break.

“These last few weeks I’ve been able to see what your organization means to you, how they help you. They were all really there for you through losing SJ, and I can only hope they’ll do the same when you lose me…”

Laura heard Kirsch behind her completely breaking down.  She knew fawning over him wouldn’t help him right now, he could be picky about that, so she just kept her eyes on the screen, on Danny.

“It feels weird to say something like ‘I love you’, so I’ll just say…I could’ve loved you Kirsch. I really think I could’ve. And I’m sorry that I threw away so much time.  Because I think you could’ve loved me too.  I know I’m “just another Psycho Society”, but I think you would’ve come around.  For me.”

Danny paused to regroup, calm the emotions that were clearly threatening to take over.  And before she began to speak again, Laura heard Kirsch whisper behind her.

“You were never just another psycho…and god, I did love you.”

Laura’s heart was threatening to explode out of her chest and her lungs had all but stopped working. She was reaching for a tissue when she heard her name.

“Laura.”

She froze.  She wasn’t ready for this.  She would never be ready for this.

Carmilla looked away. She wasn’t sure she was ready for this part either.

“I don’t really know where to start. Actually, you know what, that’s not true…of course I do.”

Laura prepared herself for every negative thing Danny could possibly start with, but she was still shocked by what she heard.

“Forgive me.”

Laura’s stomach dropped, and she felt her heart jump into her throat.

“I said things to you that I didn’t mean.  Horrific things. All because I pined for you after you chose someone else.  I’ve thought about what happened today, and everything that’s happened this semester, and I’m sorry.  What happened today gave me a new perspective.  Not right away, obviously, I reacted pretty badly.  But once I had time to think I realized that it was so wrong of me to treat you like that.  It was wrong of me to treat you like that just because you’d found someone who made you happy, and that someone wasn’t me.  Because even though I didn’t want to admit it to myself, it was always obvious that she made you happy, that she took care of you, that she made you feel things that I just…didn’t. She makes you feel…true. I know.  Trust me, I know.  Because that’s how _you_ make _me_ feel.”

Laura’s head swam, she felt like she might throw up right there on her desk.

“The way you look at her, the way you look at _each other,_ I imagine that’s how I look at you.  So how could I blame you for not choosing me?  I wasn’t helping myself, all those times I tried to stand between you, literally and figuratively.  The same way I wasn’t helping you all those times I stood in front of you in the face of danger. I thought I was protecting you, but really I was just standing in your way.  You didn’t need me to protect you.  You needed me to back you up.  And in that way I failed you.  There will never be words to properly express how much I regret that. But I hope that what I’m about to do will make up for at least some of it.”

Laura’s ears were ringing and she felt like she was going to pass out.

“You’ve had so many doubts about what was going to happen, but it’s always been clear to me. She is going to find a way to stop this, and it will most likely kill her.  And after my revelation today, I can’t allow that to happen. You and I started this thing together Laura, and now it’s up to me to finish it.  That’s why I have to start watching you, follow you to where this thing ends. So I can take her place in all this. Making sure you both survive, that’s my contribution.  That’s what I can do for you, for the both of you.  And if you’re watching this, then I succeeded.

Danny looked down into her lap, and Laura could hear her crying softly.  If she wasn’t already so numb, that may have broken her completely.

The room was tense as they all waited for the next, for the last.  Even Carmilla’s head had turned back around, intrigued by what could be waiting for her on the tape. A collective breath was taken as Danny’s eyes finally met the camera again.  She opened her mouth to speak; she looked as if she had more to say. But suddenly her brow furrowed and tears began to run down her face in streams as she visibly lost any and all control.  She lunged forward, cutting the feed.  The screen went black.

No one moved, like they were waiting for it to come back on.

“Laura…?” Perry didn’t know what to say.

Laura felt like she was going to collapse, but she managed to lean forward and touch a few buttons.

“That’s it.  It’s over,” she squeaked.

“I don’t understand. What about-“ LaFontaine was cut off when Perry smacked their leg and gave them “the look”.

Laura just shook her head slowly, tears flinging in all directions.

“She’s gone, for real this time. Forever.  Danny is gone.”

§~§~§

 

Carmilla watched as darkness took hold of the room, like she did every night.  She occasionally glanced in the direction of Laura’s bed, to make sure she detected breathing.  There was no reason Laura shouldn’t be breathing, but Carmilla was so raw she just…she needed to make sure.  She had listened, helplessly, as the girl had cried herself to sleep.  She should’ve gone to her, comforted her.  But she was frozen.  Frozen in the window, in the same place she’d been since the night of the battle. After what the video had said, Carmilla should’ve been better.  But at the same time she was just so lost and confused.  Why had she been skipped over?  She’d been thinking the same thought for hours. But then she would find herself thinking how stupid it was that she was even worried about this. Then she would again feel bad for not being better, and then she would be back to where she started. She was stuck in a vicious cycle inside her own mind.

To try and escape it, she remembered how the two dimwits had finally left, to have a “private discussion” about what had been said to them in the video, which was fooling exactly no one. Carmilla could hear them down the hall if she tried hard enough. She blocked it out. 

The video had gotten Kirsch feeling even more sentimental about his lackwit bros than he had been before, which Carmilla hadn’t thought was possible.  Though he had confirmed with Laura that she didn’t need him to stay about a hundred times before he finally left.  Carmilla winced as she realized that Laura had probably been counting on being comforted by her when Kirsch left.

But before Carmilla could come up with more reasons to beat herself up, she heard a sound from the other side of the room.  In the chaos of the night, Laura had left her laptop open slightly.  Normally Carmilla would just close the thing so it didn’t wake Laura up; leaving it open was such a common mistake for Laura. Why did the thought of striding across the room seem like such a feat right now?

Then it hit Carmilla. The sound she’d heard, it was an email notification.  She scowled as she felt hope rising in her chest, mostly because she didn’t want to be disappointed when she walked across the room to find out it was just a notification from Twitter or something.  But…she had to know.

She got up slowly and she walked across the room even slower, as if speed of any kind would scare the email away back to where it had come from.  She sat down in Laura’s chair as quietly as she could, and with a shaky hand she lifted the laptop screen open.  It took her a second to get it fully upright, but when she did she had to stifle a gasp. There it was.  Another email.  From Danny.

The subject line read, “I really hope you’re the one seeing this”

Carmilla knew instantly it was for her. She opened the email to find another video file.  But there was something written as well.

“ _There should be a pair of ear buds in one of the drawers. I asked LaFontaine to put them there. All I had to say was that it was for science.  If this goes perfectly, which it has if you’re the one reading this, Laura is asleep. Hence the ear buds. Now…find them and press play.”_

Carmilla found the ear buds in the top drawer, and with one more glance back at Laura, she plugged them in and downloaded the video.  This one was shorter; it only took seconds.  She had no idea what to expect or prepare herself for, so she just clicked open the video.  There she was again.

“Carmilla.”

If Carmilla had any breath to be taken away, it would’ve happened.  She had never heard the tall girl say her name before.  She felt an odd sensation in her heart when she realized she’d never said the ginger’s name either.

“I tried starting this video out using every other non name I could think of, but it just didn’t feel right. Not anymore.  This…this is important.”

Carmilla understood. She wished the girl were here so she could have one last chance to do it right.  To say her name.

“Now, I’m assuming you heard everything I said to Laura.  If you didn’t, that means Laura didn’t follow directions,” she smiled, “that doesn’t sound like our Laura does it?”

Carmilla found herself shaking her head, the hint of a smile on her lips.

“Well all that applies to you too. She makes you as happy as you make her. You’re right for each other. I know that now. And now that…Carmilla, you’ve got to take care of her.  I’m not there to do it anymore.  You were always better at it anyway, you have a way with her that I could never even dream of having.   She responds to you in a way that she’ll never respond to me.  If I have to leave her behind, there isn’t anyone else in the world that I’d trust more to take care of her, to _be_ with her…than you.”

Carmilla was overwhelmed, completely unsure of how to feel.

She watched as there was hesitation, visible struggling, uncertainty.

“And look, I don’t know if this is my place, and if it’s not I’m really sorry for going here but…Laura is not Ell.”

Carmilla froze.

“This is the main reason I chose to make your message separate.  Why I’m going to set it to send in the middle of the night in the hopes that it will reach you before being seen by anyone else.  Laura never turned her back on me, not even when I’d turned mine on her. Even though you’d probably deny it…somewhere deep down, like really deep down in there, you’re a good person Carmilla. And in Laura’s eyes, that’s all that’s ever mattered.  She _loves_ you.  You’re finally safe.”

Carmilla’s hands flew to her mouth to silence the sobs the suddenly erupted from her upon hearing those words. She reached out and stabbed the space bar to pause; she needed to get herself under control before she could continue.

She took deep breaths until the urge to break down dissipated.

When she was ready, she slowly reached out and hit the space bar to play the video, wiping stray tears from her face.

On screen, she pulled her ginger hair away from her face as she cleared her throat.  Carmilla watched as the girl’s classic smirk spread through her features.

“Now if uh, you just broke your own ‘vampires don’t cry’ mantra, you better get yourself together before anyone sees you.  No way you’ll ever live it down.”

A bright, toothy smile lit up the screen, and Carmilla found herself smiling with her.  How could you not?

“One more thing Carmilla. While I have faith that you won’t, if you do screw up in any way…I will come back and haunt you SO hard.”

The girl laughed, and Carmilla had to suppress a chuckle so as not to disturb Laura.

“Thank you, Carmilla. Thank you for all that you’ve done, and all that I know you’ll do.  And I hope what I’ve said, any of it, all of it, has impacted you in some way. That’s what I wanted to accomplish with yours.  Because while I’m not sure I know what I believe when it comes to the way the world works, I have hope that someday…I’ll see the others again.  But you…well, with you, when I say goodbye, it’s really goodbye isn’t it?”

Carmilla knew this feeling all too well, living as long as she had.  The familiar ache in her chest was back to remind her of everything and everyone she had ever lost.

“Goodbye Carmilla.”

The screen went black.

§~§~§

 

Carmilla sat at the desk for hours after the video was over.  She didn’t know what she was supposed to do, or say, or feel.  So she just…didn’t.  She didn’t do…anything.  Not until the sun began to rise over campus, blinding her through the window she’d spent so much time at.  She blinked a few times to adjust to the new light.  Her eyes were dry and worn out and they just…hurt.  Everything hurt.

She heard movement and turned to see Laura flip onto her other side in her sleep to avoid the incoming sun.

 _Except that_ , she thought, _that doesn’t hurt_.

She looked at the screen for a second, then at Laura, then back at the screen.  She forwarded the video to herself, and then she deleted the email and the forward notice.  Maybe someday Laura should see that video, but Carmilla wasn’t ready for her to start thinking about the bit at the end.  Not yet.

She closed the laptop quietly and stood up.  Any other day she would’ve turned to the left and collapsed into bed.  But not today.  Not anymore. She turned to her right and looked down at the girl she had been so willing to die for.  She smiled, and then slowly crawled into bed with her, curling herself around Laura’s small frame.

Her heart began to hurt in the best way possible when she felt the body next to her shift and turn, and before she knew it Laura was snuggling up under her arm and pulling her closer. Carmilla lightly brushed hair from the sleeping girl’s face and placed a whisper of a kiss on her forehead. What was happening here was a gift, a gift that Carmilla could literally never repay.  She was never going to take that for granted. As she wrapped her arms around Laura, she found herself looking up.

“Thank you,” she whispered, before letting her tired eyes drift closed.

But they opened again in an instant, because something didn’t feel right.  There was one last thing that needed to be said.

“Danny.”


End file.
